The causes of why men pull away can vary, as well as the circumstances unique to the individual, their needs, and desires, as well as the way men cope. Mathew does a great job in the video of explaining that rushing any stage of a relationship, and going too fast is the most destructive thing we can do.
When a relationship goes too fast for example from point A to D we sabotage it. We miss out on the time experiences, and nurturing that is needed in growing the relationship. It’s like skipping a stage of development that needs to happen in the stages B and C. An example of this is the expression “we need to learn to crawl before we can walk, then we can run. When we try to go straight to running we fail because we are just not ready, or stable enough yet.
In counselling one of the biggest complaints after a break up was, “I lost myself in the relationship, the other person became my whole world. I was so wrapped up in him, I cut everything and one, out of my life. Now I feel like I have nothing, and no support.” While it is o.k to be madly in love, and your eventual married partner should be the most important person in your world, after God. A certain amount of autonomy is needed, and should be encouraged. If a person has nothing in their life except their partner, like family, friends, faith, hobbies, and interests, and something happens to that partner, there goes that persons everything, and coping is much harder! This also is necessary in the beginning stages of a relationship, keep seeing friends, enjoy your other interests, and relationships, until things move to solid ground, and both of you are on the same page.
Scientists have discovered men and women actually secrete powerful bonding hormones Oxytocin, and Vasopressin, during orgasm, that solidify the bond between men and women. The more they share intimacy, the more powerful that bond gets.You do not want to do that with someone that is not ready for it. Wait for sex until marriage, because it will send him into a body, and mind conflict, and the mind is in control. This explains why people who have had casual encounters think about that other person years later. It is because they biologically bonded in a powerful way, but it did not stop them from moving on, it leaves them both with a feeling of being torn apart or scattered.
Watch for the signs he is just not ready, do not ignore the frown he gets on his face when he sees you brought your toothbrush to leave at his place. Talk to him about it, retreat enough to make both of you comfortable. Live your life fully, and allow the relationship to progress naturally at a pace your both comfortable with.
