Even though it is not in English the message in this is pretty clear, and the impact this video is having all over the world is pretty amazing. It shines a light on what a lot of women and men are going through today, and it’s just plain wrong! It is ridiculous, and very unfair for one partner to have to carry a heavier load than the other when both people are capable of sharing responsibilities! Trying to balance a marriage, raise their children, run a household, and still have a career, with an uneven division of household duties is a recipe for disaster in life and a marriage. Women are working harder right now than ever before and it is taking a toll. As I watched this loving woman trying to do it all, I could see the eventual result will be growing frustration, resentment, anger, elevated stress, health issues, burn out, then if they are able marriage counseling or divorce. Why is this? Because no partner should have to do it all when the other person IS capable, it is unloving of the selfish partner to not pitch in and help, that is taking advantage, it creates wounds, and it eventually builds resentment!
In counseling I have witnessed so many marriages under incredible stress because of what is witnessed in this video. It is a well-known fact that in relationships couples commonly fight over money and sex, and this unequal, unfair balance of work, and responsibility weighs in heavily also. Marriage is meant to be an equal partnership, not slavery where one person works herself/himself into an early grave! Just because a person works outside the home does not mean life’s duties, and obligations end for them when they walk in the house at the end of their workday. While every situation is unique, the responsibilities and work should be balanced fairly, agreeably, and according to the best of their abilities for both people.
How to resolve this inequality? Out of real love, the father in the video is leading by example by bringing the issue into the light, talking about it, and committing to making changes.
Here are 7 positive steps to address this situation which is wreaking havoc in many a marriage.
1. The first talk about it, if there is no recognition of a problem it cannot be fixed.
2. Pick a time, and commit ahead of time to being thoughtful, and respectful while working through this issue.
3. Write down the daily tasks that need to be done and who wants to do what.
4. Negotiate the things nobody wants to do, draw straws if you have to and make it fair.
5. Both parties have to be willing to commit to keeping to the plan, and gently remind the other with kindness when one fails, and get right back to doing their part.
6. If you cannot come to an agreement, get someone qualified who can fairly mediate like a counselor, or pastor to help work through the hardest issues and make sure the person is impartial.
7. Expect to negotiate and work through difficulties as they are going to happen; remember that’s part of life and persevere.
When couples work through and solve these types of difficult issues, in the end, their relationship grows, and evolves into something better, with more respect, and consideration, and it can make the relationship stronger.
Disclaimer: It is our hope this article will be used in a way that helps couples and not as ammunition. If couples are still struggling please seek professional help as this article is not intended to replace professional therapy.